[Verse 1]
I woke up in the middle of the night
Turned on the living room light
Everything looked fine
But something didn't feel right
I seen a big box shape
Am I dreaming or awake?
I thought it might have been a puppy, but if it was a puppy, it was gonna suffocate

So I woke up Mike
I told him "Run and grab a knife
There's a puppy in this box, it's running out of air and we gotta save his life"
I went over to the box
But then the box just stopped
It wasn't shaking anymore, it was quiet for a second, but then I heard a knock

Mike handed me the knife
I grabbed the knife and I began to slice
If I don't hurry up and open up this dang box, then that little puppy's gonna pay the price
I cut through, and I opened up the top
It couldn't happen any sooner
But there wasn't any puppies in the box
It was stupid Farty Krueger!

[Chorus]
Merry (Merry!)
Christmas (Christmas!)
Guess who's back? (Who?)
It's Farty (Farty?)
It's Farty with a Christmas rap (Wahaha!)
Merry (Merry!)
Christmas (Christmas!)
Guess who's back? (Who?)
It's Farty (Farty?)
It's Farty with a Christmas rap (Mwahahaha!)
[Verse 2]
Hey, Mike, look who's back
Farty Krueger in that stupid hat
With silverware on his fingertips and them crusty lips that smell like crap
Farty, if you think you've got something to say
When you talk to me, you better look away
'Cause your breath so bad, smells like you ate a skunk who ate some rotten eggs

Like a Russian doll, you got a skunk inside your stomach
Rotten eggs inside his stomach
Oh, that's just too much to stomach
"Well, something's smelling good! Mmm, what is that?"
Well we know it ain't your breath, I can guarantee you that
"No, I can smell something, it's coming from over there!
Mmm, is that spaghetti? Why don't I pull up a chair?"
That's Santa Claus's sketti, Farty, that ain't freaking fair
Step away from the spaghetti! "Oh no, I'm really scared!"

[Chorus]
Merry (Merry!)
Christmas (Christmas!)
Guess who's back? (Who?)
It's Farty (Farty?)
It's Farty with a Christmas rap (Wahaha!)
Merry (Merry!)
Christmas (Christmas!)
Guess who's back? (Who?)
It's Farty (Farty?)
It's Farty with a Christmas rap (Mwahahaha!)
[Verse 3]
So while he sat there eating our spaghetti
I snuck up and I gave him an atomic wedgie
His underwear ripped, they were brown and smelly
It looked like they were covered in some rotten veggies
Mike, get a load of Farty's drawers
"Now that's a smell that you can't ignore!"
They looked like a diaper that a baby wore
"Ha ha, funny, that's real mature"

We stood there making fun of Farty's pants
Mike decided to be a smarty-pants
He gave me a wedgie and ripped my underwear off
Then I heard everybody start to laugh
Then I looked back and I caught a glance
Jumped back, and I let out a gasp
If you thought Farty had gross underpants
You should seen mine, they were twice as bad

"Haha, what are you, four?
My underwear has half as much poop as yours!"
I noticed when I bought 'em that the packaging was torn
I bet you they were like that when I got 'em from the store
"Yo, you guys still poop your pants?
Your panties look worse than my grams' and gramps'
You and Farty could make a poop rap group
You guys could make a song called 'The Poopy Dance'"
[Chorus]
Merry (Merry!)
Christmas (Christmas!)
Guess who's back? (Who?)
It's Farty (Farty?)
It's Farty with a Christmas rap (Wahaha!)
Merry (Merry!)
Christmas (Christmas!)
Guess who's back? (Who?)
It's Farty (Farty?)
It's Farty with a Christmas rap (Mwahahaha!)