If they could see me now
That little gang of mine
I'm eatin' fancy chow and drinkin' fancy wine
I'd like those stumble bums
To see for a fact
The kind of top-drawer, first-rate chums I attract
All I can say is "Wow-ee!"
Look-a where I am
Tonight I landed, POW!
Right in a pot of jam
What a setup, holy cow!
They'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now!

If they could see me now
My little dusty group
Traipsin' round this million dollar chicken coop
I'd hear those thrift shop cats say, "Brother get her!
Draped on a bedspread made from three kinds of fur!"
All I can say is "Wow!"
Wait till the riff and raff
See just exactly how
He signed his autograph
What a build up, holy cow!
They'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now!
If they could see me now
Alone with Mr. V
Who's waitin' on me like he was a maitre'd
I hear my buddies sayin', "Crazy, what gives?
Tonight she's living like the other half lives!"
To think the highest brow
Which I must say is he
Should pick the lowest brow
Which there's no doubt is me
What a step up, holy cow!
They'd never believe it
If my friends could see me now!

They'd never believe it!
They'd never believe it!
If my friends could see me now!
Hi girls, it's me! Charity!