[MERCEDES]
How d' you do
I see you've met my faithful handyman
He's just a little brought down
Cause when you knocked
He thought you were the candy-man
Don't get strung out by the way I look
Don't judge a book by its cover
I'm not much of a girl by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover

I'm just a Sweet Transvestite
From Sensational, Transylvania

Let me show you around
Maybe play you a sound
You look like you're both pretty groovy
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie

Well you got caught with a flat
Well how about that?
Well, babies, don't you panic
By the light of the night
It all seems alright
I'll get you a satanic mechanic
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite
From Sensational, Transylvania

Why don't you stay for the night? (Night!)
Or maybe a bite? (Bite!)
I could show you my favorite obsession
I've been making a man
With blond hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my tension

[MERCEDES (with New Directions)]
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite (Sweet Transvestite)
From Sensational, (Transylvania)
Hey, hey
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite (Sweet, sweet Transvestite)
From Sensational, (Transylvania)

[MERCEDES]
So, come up to the lab
And see what's on the slab
I see you shiver with antici-pation
But maybe the rain
Isn't really to blame
So I'll remove the cause
Hahahaha
But not the symptom