I was riding the high stool, expandin' and expoundin'
On the price of rice in Siera Leone and the height of the beef mountain
As to where did Jack Doyle meet Movita. How many wives did the Aga Khan
Dismountin' from my high horse, I couldn't find the handle of the bar room door!

Yeah sure I knew it all then up again' the counter
I'd weigh you up in ten seconds flat
Ya see I was a great judge of character, my instincts always tellin' me exactly what kinda guy I got
'Til I turned to go that is, whereupon I couldn't tell my arse from my well-bent elbow

I was heading down the streets of Laredo singin' Red Sails in the Sunset
Sure it was no wonder, we knew it all then
Twas like drinkin' porter off a sore leg sez Ber Murphy
"Would ye ever ask me bollix", sez Kenny Barry

I showed them the colour of me money when I got back from Katanga
There's no business like show business sez Titch Maher in Flood's bar
After snaggin' turnips for the Holy Fathers
But after it got dark, much later; down by the pinkeen bridge. I cried buckets in the river
When Mickser sang "Oh gentle Swallows".......oh gentle swallows

For knowin' it all is a lonely place to be. Yet still I found it very hard to say
"Hey man, this load is too much for me, til I was completely terrified
Whereupon a light ship came upon my way, and caught me in its beam
Before I went under, yet again, for the very last time
I was ridin' the high stool, expandin' and expoundin'
Swimming in the wine lakes and climbing the beef mountains
Ridin' the high stool expandin' and expoundin'
On the price of rice in Siera Leone and the height of the beef mountain
Ridin' the high stool expandin' and expoundin'....