[Verse 1: Lol Creme]
It's one thing to know it but another to admit
We're the worst band in the world
But we don't give up

[Verse 2: Lol Creme]
If Garbo played guitar
With Valentino on the drums
Then we'd be nothing more than a bunch of Dharma bums
So tune up
Tune up

[Verse 3: Lol Creme]
Well we've never done a days work in our life
And our records sell in zillions
It irrigates my heart with greed
To know that you adore me
Up yours, up mine
But up everybody's? That takes time!
But we're working on it
Working on it (Ooh)

[Verse 4: Lol Creme & Graham Gouldman]
We never seen the van - leave it to the roadies
Never met the roadies - leave them in the van
All because of circumstances way beyond control
We became the darlings of this thing called rock and roll, ooh
[Verse 5: Lol Creme]
Here I am a record on a jukebox
A little piece of plastic with a hole, ooh
Play me
Buy me and you play me then my plastic turns to gold

[Outro: Lol Creme]
Here we are together on your hi-fi
A little piece of plastic with a hole, oh
Fade me, fade me, fade me, fade me...