[Verse 1]
I'm in here climbing up a train that's falling off of a cliff
And I'm gunning down evil creatures that do not exist
I'm out here balancing a walking glove on top of a ball
Meanwhile, I'm having a swordfight with the president on Federal Hall
If you clip me in a dream, it will be your final fantasy
Forever will you sleep, like you Max Payne's family
I'm serving up headshots like a favorite dish
Because my mouse pad is Little Pip and the Rainbow Wish
Confronted by a sucker who had claimed his name was Ganon
Told him "I don't care" and introduced him to the cannon
Couldn't lose the cops on the ground, so I jacked a plane
Air Force chasing me while I'm sipping champagne

[Interlude]
Doc, man, be honest, is my rap career gonna be okay?
Well, I got some bad news
It's alive!

[Verse 2]
Recognize me?
I'm the man whom arose from a burnt sea
With a implant childhood memory
Of me playing DK Country
Back when we had 4:3 TVs
Pagers and Tamagotchis
We still had men overseas
It is our nation's disease
And we could cut a lot of taxes if I killed 'em for free
I'm the man who you send to the front lines
While the generals will expect them to blow mines
And I pick off all the combine with my right hand
While my left hand's in the dungeon
With the design that will define all the people
Who are like me that will live life on the inside
I save the world on a dime, I'm in here stopping these crimes
I'm in here drinking a combination of lemon and lime
And now I got a microphone and I am making it rhyme
And you will never see my face upon the cover of TIME
You won't see this on Atari, I'm on a killing safari
And they're making me laugh, like they Jon Jafari
They say that Dunkey's got bars, they say my verses go hard
Because the last paragraph appears on your funeral card