A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance, you won't nestle
A fine romance, you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge with my old maid Aunts
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
Wе don't have half the thrills that "The March of Timе" has

A fine romance, my good woman
My strong aged-in-the-wood woman
You never give the orchids I send a glance
No, you like cactus plants
This is a fine romance