I was seeing this bird from Benfleet
Things were going swell
Then one day I got home from the pub
And she dropped a bombshell
My dinner wasn't ready
There was nothing to eat for me
She said she'd enrolled on a fast track course
To be a female referee

Female referee, female referee
I'm sure one time I saw one
Reffing snooker on tv
I don’t remember any flashpoints
But how hard can it be?
There's no judgement calls
With snooker balls
For a female referee

I tried to act supportive
And pay her compliments
I tried to show her the offside rule
With the help of condiments
But one day I came home
Pissed up from the pub
My dinner wasn't ready
There was no sign of my grub
Female referee, female referee
Put that fucking whistle down
And go and make my tea
I've been down the boozer
With my mates since half past three
It got too much, I kicked her into touch
The female referee

We'd been split up about 6 months
I thought of her from time to time
Then one day I turned on sky
And I saw her running the line
The commentators made some sexist remarks
And soon they got dismissed
And what’s worse I've got no one to cook my grub
When I roll in pissed

Female referee female referee
Chuck that fucking flag away
And please come back to me
I was at my lowest ebb
When I heard you got fingered by Howard Webb
But I'll let it slide if you decide
To stop being a female referee