I was on my way to Croydon
I was driving to a gig
I’d just gone past junction 5
And hit a queue that was very big
I sat there in traffic for an hour
And then on the radio
They said there’d been a fatal crash between a lorry
And a Citroen Berlingo
So all the carriageways were closed

Five people died on the M25
If I’d been 10 minutes earlier I might not be alive
Five people died on the M25
What a bunch of cunts they’ve made me late

I’d drunk 3 cans of red bull
And ate both my sausage rolls
I’d finished them before I’d even
Reached the Dartford tolls
The radio said five pronounced dead
I don’t mean to be remiss
But I was two hours late for my gig
And desperate for a piss

Five people died on the M25
If I’d been 10 minutes earlier I might not be alive
A Berlingo’s had the roof cut off
And bodies lay prostrate
But what a bunch of cunts they made me late
If you ever pass the crash site
Remember to spare a thought
For the ones who lost their lives
And the families left distraught
And make sure you remember
To spare a thought for me
I was three hours late for my gig
And the bastards docked my fee

Five people died on the M25
If I’d been 10 minutes earlier I might not be alive
Their flowers tied to a lamp-post
I’ll pull over and desecrate
Because that bunch of cunts
That selfish bunch of cunts
Cost me two hundred quid and made me late