[Verse 1: Kunt]
What do you do in the middle of the night
When it's dead, dead quiet and your Mum's asleep
And your Dad's asleep and the door is shut
And the light is out and the room is dark
And the curtain’s drawn and you're on your own
Your bed is warm and your dream was rude
And your hand's restless and your knob is hard?

[Chorus]
Have a wank, have a wank
Have a motherfucking wank

[Verse 2: Kunt]
I'm getting out my cock
I pull my foreskin back
I reveal my acorn
And give it a little smack
I'm thinking of ladies
In lockdown all alone
Pleasuring their bums as I talk dirty on the phone

[Bridge: Little Kunt]
Corr, don't
No seriously, don't
[Verse 3: Kunt]
What do you do on a lockdown day
When the TV's shit and there's fuck all on
When you got no beans and you got no beer
And you're stuck indoors in self isolation
And the planet is run by a bunch of cunts like Donald Trump and Boris Johnson
The two thickest shit cunts in the whole wide world

[Chorus]
Have a wank, have a wank
Have a motherfucking wank

[Bridge: Kunt]
I'm getting out my cock
I'm gonna wank it to a taper
I'm cumming in a sock
Cause I've run out of toilet paper
I'm wanking to get through this global pandemic
I re-wrote this song cause it felt slightly anthemic

[Outro: Kunt]
Come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
Come on, come on
Have a virtual wank with me
Come on, come on
Have a little zoom wank with me
Come on, come on
Come and have a wank with me
Have a lockdown wank with me