[All vocals are spoken by Amanda Palmer unless otherwise denoted]

[Intro]
We need one more situation

[Hook]
You're on the door, minus one
You're on the door, minus two
You're on the door, minus three
You're on the door, minus four

[Phone Keypad Tones]

[Spoken Phone Call Sample: American Woman named "Melissa"]
(static)Hey, Amanda, it's Melissa. Hi, I'm sorry to be calling you, I know your show is, like, right now. But we're outside, and I'm with my friend Chris, and he's with, um his cousin Stella and she just came back from college and she's a HUGE fan and she really, really wants to see you. Do you mind just putting me on plus...three?

[Verse 1]
When you want the door list, you're pushing all your luck
The door list is for those I want to undress and fuck
So if you really love me, and want to see the show
Then show your coins and gird your loins and get your face down low

[Hook]
You're on the door, minus one
You're on the door, minus two
You're on the door, minus three
You're on the door, minus four
I'm going to do that one again

[Hook]
You're on the door, minus one
You're on the door, minus two
You're on the door, minus three
You're on the door, minus four

[Verse 2]
Can't bring your little friend?
You don't see my show again
(Generic children: Yay!)
Pay to eat, pay to swim
Pay for me, or don't come in
Pay to drink, pay the price
Don't pay me, that's not so nice
Bring yourself, bring a friend
You can watch, while your friend bend
Take a hike, take a chance
Don't pay for me, and you don't dance
Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance
D-d-d-dance, dance
D-d-d-dance, dance
D-d-d-dance, dance
D-d-d-dance
[Hook]
You're on the door, minus one
You're on the door, minus two
You're on the door, minus three
You're on the door, minus four

[Bridge]
You're on the door, you're on the door, minus, minus
You're on the door, you're on the door, minus, minus
You're on the door, you're on the door, minus, minus
You're on the door, you're on the door, minus, minus

[Outro: Spoken Phone Call Sample from anonymous Man]
Hey, and I do actually, um, watch your show and everything, do you mind just -
(Palmer: No.)
- just ringing me up a list, I'm just with one friend, um -
(Palmer: The answer's no.)
Just put me on plus two, no big deal, if you can't, um, no big deal, but that'd be awesome. Alright, you got my number now, this is not my cell, I called from P -
(Palmer: No.)

[Sound of dead phone line]