I'm gonna move down to Florida
And I'm gonna bowl me a perfect game
I'm gonna cut off my leg down in Florida
And I'm gonna dance one-legged off in the rain
Well they say that Sidney Poitier was a blind man
And they say that LBJ was a Soviet Jew
I said, when I go down to Florida way
There ain't no kind of sexual healing that I would not, should not, or could not do
Said this right here

Well I'm movin' down to Florida
And you know I'm gonna have to potty train the Chairman Mao
And I'm gonna make the governor write my doodoo a letter, child
And then I'm gonna grind me a White Castle slider out of India's sacred cow
Well, I'm goin' down to Florida, child
And I'm gonna build me the atomic bomb
I'm gonna hold time hostage down in Florida, child
Ain't nobody, ain't nobody gonna tell me what to do
Stepchild

By this time I guess you've figured out about Florida
Turn the muddy water into Vaseline stain
They be makin' tadpoles the size of Mercurys in Florida
That be tellin' Julio Iglesias what to sing, now
Well, whoever said that Sidney Poitier was a blind man
Knew the same of Elvis Presley, too
'Cause all the sausages that dance like Ray Bolger on the hood of a car in a traffic jam
Know just exactly what to do
Right here
Well I been goin' to Florida
Polecats, they love the Seminole sun
'Cause you know when I'm in Florida
Just like Vince, I want it all
Well I went down to Florida
I got hurt
So I took all the children down to Florida
And I started to get down in the dirt
Well I'm never goin' back to Florida
That's why I'm movin' today
When I settle down in Florida
Well, I’m gonna explode the whole damn Tampa Bay
Get that boy in Florida
Teach him what to do