A woman that I know just came from Colombia
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held our some marijuana, ha, ha
She said it was the best in all the land

And I said, no, no, no, no, I don't smoke it no more
I'm tired of wakin' up on the floor
No thank you please it only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find me door

A woman that I know just came from Majorca Spain
She smiled because I did not understand
Then she held out a ten pound bag of cocaine
She said it was the best in all the land

And I said, no, no, no, no, I don't sniff it no more
I'm tired of wakin' up on the floor
No thank you please it only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find me door

A man I know just came from Nashville Tennessee-o
He smiled because I did not understand
Then he held out some moonshine whiskey oh oh
He said it was the best in all the land

And I said, no, no, no, no, I don't drink it no more
I'm tired of wakin' up on the floor
No thank you please it only makes me sneeze
And then it makes it hard to find me door
No thank you please it only makes me sneeze