(Next up on Veggie Shopping Network: "Pants"!)

[Verse 1]
Welcome, viewers, what comes next?
A pair of pants with stripes or checks
Dig in your wallet, dump out your purse
Who'll be the one to buy the first....
Pair?

[Chorus 1]
You can wear ’em if you're big, you can wear 'em if you’re small
They're pants if you're short and shorts if you're tall
You can wear 'em in the spring, you can wear 'em in the fall
They're pants if you're short and shorts if you’re tall

So good, so far
Down to 20
Look what you get with a little bit of money
Down to your feet and up to your tummy!
Pants!
(Pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants)

[Verse 2]
If you buy right now tonight
We’ll throw in a set of ginsu knives
A pair of pants could change your life
One easy payment: $9.95
[Chorus 2]
See the tag on the back when your size gets small
They're pants if you’re short and shorts if you're tall
You can wear 'em to the farm, you can wear 'em to the hall
They’re pants if you're short and shorts if you're tall

16 more, we're down to four!
You can't buy these in any store
They're just like your granddaddy wore
Pants!
(Pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants)
Oh, pants!
(Pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants)

[Verse 3]
Pants have six legs less than a squid
It's a verb for a dog and a noun for a kid
With a pair of pants, you're not alone
You can dance with your pants 'til the cows come home

These pairs of pants will win your heart
We accept most credit cards
From stretchy waists to elastic bands
Makes easier buffet-eating pants

Tills, slacks, corduroys
Pants bestow a special joy
As seen on the screen of your TV
These pants can hide unsightly knees
These pants are made of high-grade vinyl
Don't hesitate; all sales are final
To summarise, you might recall

[Chorus 3]
They're pants if you're short and shorts if you're tall!
(Pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants)

Four, three, two, one
Going, going, going, gone!
We're out of pants; we've gotta run!
Pants!

(You've got some skinny legs!)

Pants!