[ANNOUNCER, spoken]
And now's it time for
"Obscure Broadway Show Tunes with Larry"
The part of the show where Larry comes out
And sings an obscure Broadway show tune
Without further ado from the unknown musical
Office Supplies, the heart-rending love song
"Where Have All The Staplers Gone?"

[LARRY, spoken]
We don't have much time before the big meeting

[PETUNIA, spoken]
No, no, we don't

[LARRY]
Have you seen the scissors, miss?

[PETUNIA]
They're in the bottom drawer

[LARRY]
I tried that drawer but they're there no more

[PETUNIA]
That's odd
[LARRY]
I know I thought for sure

[PETUNIA]
Have you seen the masking tape?

[LARRY]
It's right next to the phone

[PETUNIA]
That's what I thought but now's it not
I guess I should have known

[LARRY & PETUNIA]
Oh, where have all the staplers gone?
What happened to our paper clips?

[PETUNIA]
The ballpoint pens are gone again

[LARRY]
They're gone again

[LARRY & PETUNIA]
The stick-it pads have lost their stick
Do you remember when
[LARRY]
The rubber bands were in their place?

[PETUNIA]
They're in the middle drawer
(Middle drawer, middle drawer)

[LARRY]
Light bulbs easy to replace

[PETUNIA]
Yes

[LARRY]
There were always more

[PETUNIA]
Reams of paper raining down
(Raining, raining down)

[LARRY & PETUNIA]
Legal pads a plenty (We're legal)

[PETUNIA]
Highlighters in every hue
[LARRY]
I remember
Never less than twenty

[LARRY & PETUNIA]
Oh, where have all the staplers gone?
What happened to our paper clips?

[LARRY]
The ballpoint pens are gone again

[PETUNIA]
They're gone again

[LARRY & PETUNIA]
We've run out of packing slips (Packing slips)

[PETUNIA]
Someday my prints will come

[LARRY]
Please replace the toner

[PETUNIA]
Someday we'll find more of

[LARRY]
Our manila folders

[PETUNIA]
Someday my prints will come

[LARRY]
Where's the printer cable?

[PETUNIA]
Someday we'll find more of

[LARRY & PETUNIA]
Adhesive shipping labels
Oh, where have all the staplers gone?
What happened to our paper clips?
Paper clips

[LARRY]
The ballpoints pens are gone again

[PETUNIA]
They're gone again

[LARRY & PETUNIA]
The Sharpies all have flattened tips
Where have all the staplers gone?

[ANNOUNCER, spoken]
This has been "Obscure Broadway Show Tunes with Larry"
Tune in for act two, "Revenge of the Staplers"