[Chorus 1]
If I can get this hanger through the window of my car
I’ll never leave my house again for anything, I swear
Pacing in the driveway, I’m the nemesis of fun
With soggy hot dog buns from spilling warm beer in my trunk

[Verse 1]
Throwing down my jacket as I walk inside
I send a cloudy CD case sliding off the side
Of a dresser from Ikea that I can’t get right
(God, I swear it’s missing pieces; I could choke someone)
“I guess you can come over if you’re really dry
But I’m not really trying to go out tonight"
It's been a really shitty day, I’d rather take some time
To just pound zinfandel by myself and unwind

[Chorus 2]
“Remind me of the last time that we hung out, was it sick?”
'Cause I don’t remember anything, not a glimpse of it
And I would rather re-up than hear about your kids
But I hope that y’all are doing
Just as great as I expect you’re doing

[Verse 2]
‘P’ got me some gifts because she’s super tight
I’m lighterless, relying on the stove for a light
But I don’t really care, these are my favorite nights
(When I can sit on my ass and respond to no one)
“I guess you can come over if you’re really dry
But I’m not really trying to go out tonight"
No, with my clammy fingers grabbing every crumb that I find
I could sit around here for the rest of my life
[Instrumental]

[Chorus 1]
If I can get this hanger through the window of my car
I’ll never leave my house again for anything, I swear
Pacing in the driveway, I’m the nemesis of fun
With soggy hot dog buns from spilling warm beer in my trunk