And when he drinks he always says
"L' chaim", he often stays in time
Unless he's gotten really blind
And that's when shit
Gets weird sometimes

And I'm convinced of his tendencies
To spend the night on his knees
He's got some massive kegs
But only in relation to his legs

We all know he's cancer-prone
Like Macauly Culkin in Home Alone
Looks like he's standing
But he's on his throne
Yeah he's the fucken Metro Gnome

And yeah he really likes to play the tubs
But he only wants to play in pubs
He helped me write this stupid song
He likes monkeys like King Kong

We all know he's cancer-prone
Like Macauly Culkin in Home Alone
Looks like he's standing
But he's on his throne
Yeah he's the fucken Metro Gnome
He likes to bitch and moan
He won't let Lindsay play trombone
He's got no hair don't need no comb
But he's the fucken Metro Gnome
The Metro
He's the Metro
No, Hates retro
He's the Metro
Not so hetero
He's the Metro gnome
The Metro
Not so hetero
He's the metro gnome
The Metro gnome
The Metro gnome
The Metro gnome
The Metro
We won't let go...HOME!