(Verse 1)
I remember clearly when I was a tiny little child
My Auntie came to stay with us
Maybe as a family, we were a trifle wild
Our spirits ran away with us
Every single day
When we were at play
Mother used to creep into the nursery and say

(Chorus 1)
We must all be very kind to Auntie Jessie
For she's never been a mother or a wife
You must throw your toys at her
Or make a vulgar noise at her
She hasn't led a very happy life
You must never lock her playfully in the bathroom
Or play tunes on her enameled Spanish comb
Though unpleasant to behold
She's a heart of purest gold
And charity, you know, begins at home

(Verse 2)
Relatives who come to stay are generally inclined
To fray the children's nerves a bit
Something in a maiden aunt just stupefies the mind
From virtue's path one swerves a bit
Though our childish joys
May have made a noise
Mother used to murmur, Though I know boys will be boys
(Chorus 2)
We must all be very kind to Auntie Jessie
And do everything we can to keep her bright
If, when you're in the Underground
You hear her make a funny sound
It's very rude to laugh at her outright
You must never fill her night-dress case with beetles
Or beat up her Horlick's Malted Milk to foam
Though her kiss is worse than death
It's unkind to hold your breath
For charity, you know, begins at home

(Chorus 3)
We must all be very kind to Auntie Jessie
And encourage her to see the sunny side
It isn't kind to rush at her
And hurl the blacking brush at her
It's things like this that trample on her pride
Don't molest her with a pail of icy water
If when wandering at night she chanced to roam
Though the attic stairs are steep
Death comes peacefully in sleep
And charity, we hope, begins at home