(Verse 1)
I can't help feeling
Fate's made a fool of me rather
It's placed me where I shouldn't be
And really couldn't be
By rights
We lived at Ealing
Me and my mother and father
I've scaled the social ladder
And I've never had a head for heights
We had a pawnshop on the corner of the street
And Father did a roaring trade
I used to think those rings and necklaces were sweet
Now I wouldn't give them to my maid

(Chorus 1)
I've traveled a long, long way
And the journey hasn't been all jam
I must admit
The Rolls in which I sit
Is one up on the dear old tram
I say to myself each day
In definitely marble halls
Today it may be three white feathers
But yesterday it was three brass balls
(Verse 2)
By easy stages
Though my beginnings were humble
I've studied each small movement
Of my self-improvement
From the start
I've toured for ages
I'll never falter or stumble
I'll give an air of breeding
And a first-rate reading of the part
You must forgive me if I kid myself a bit
In this tiara and gown
And though my accent may not altogether fit
Don't be afraid I'll let you down

(Chorus 2)
I've traveled a long, long way
And had a lot of jolts and bumps
I'll concentrate
And be ahead of fate
Whichever way the old cat jumps
I wink as I slyly drink
To the ancestors that line our walls
Today it may be three white feathers
But yesterday it was three brass balls