Noël Coward

"That is the End of the News"

We're told very loudly and often
To lift up our hearts
We're told that good humour will soften
Fate's cruellest darts
So however bad our domestic troubles may be
We just shake with amusement and sing with glee

Hey-ho, Mum's had those pains again
Granny's in bed with her varicose veins again
Everyone's gay because dear Cousin Florrie
Was run down on Saturday night by a lorry

We're so glad that Elsie's miscarriage
Occurred on the Wednesday after her marriage

When Albert fell down all the steps of the town hall
And got three bad cuts and a bruise

We're delighted to be able to say
We're unable to pay off our debts
We're excited because Percy's got mange
And we've run up a bill at the vet's

Three cheers! Ernie's got boils again
Everything's covered in ointments and oils again
Now he's had seven, so God's in his heaven
And that is the end of the news
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

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