[Verse 1]
On a Tuesday afternoon
My mom came into my room
And said, "Get the fuck up outta bed
And get a goddamn job"
So I told her, "Hey, hey, fuck you Mom"
And I threw the phone at her head
But I missed and hit her in the snatch
So I slammed the door in her face

[Verse 2]
Don't ever barge in my room
Or I'll kick your ass and call the cops
And tell them I'm abused
And you'll wind up in jail
While I snowboard in vail
No one to post your bail
'Cause Daddy loves me more
He says that you're a -

[Chorus]
You're worthless, you're lazy, you're stupid
A little overweight
Now give me twenty bucks
Mommy, you're so worthless, you're lazy, you're stupid
A little overweight
Now give me twenty bucks
No, make it fifty bucks
[Bridge]
Now Mom writes me letters
I write return to sender
Let her rot there in her cell
I watch the dogs mate on her bed

[Pre-Chorus]
Sorry Mom, I had to pawn
The china, silver, and all your jewelry
I had to eat
And rent a bunch of prostitutes like you

[Chorus 2]
You're lazy, you're stupid
A little overweight
Now give me twenty bucks
Mommy, you're so worthless
You're lazy, you're stupid
A little overweight
Now give me twenty bucks
No, make it fifty bucks

[Outro]
No, make it sixty bucks
Make it seventy-five
Why don't you just give me your whole goddamn purse
I hope you're having fun rotting in jail
Maybe I'll come visit you
Nah!
Enjoy your stretch in jail
How's your Olympia? [?]