[Verse 1]
Oh, as I went home on monday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her
"Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be?"

[Verse 2]
Ay, you're drunk
You're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow, sure, I never saw before

[Verse 3]
And as I went home on tuesday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her
"Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be?"
[Verse 4]
Ay, you're drunk
You're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a woolen blanket
That me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But buttons on a blanket, sure, I never saw before

[Verse 5]
And as I went home on wednesday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe upon the chair
Where my old pipe should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her
"Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe upon the chair
Where my old pipe should be?"

[Verse 6]
Ay, you're drunk
You're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a lovely tin whistle
That me mother sent to me
Well, it's many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle, sure, I never saw before
[Verse 7]
And I went home on thursday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her
"Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be?"

[Verse 8]
Ay, you're drunk
You're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
They're two lovely geranium pots me mother sent to me
Well, its many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But laces in geranium pots I never saw before

[Verse 9]
And as I went home on friday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed
Where my old head should be
Well I called me wife and I said to her
"Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed
Where my old head should be?"
[Verse 10]
Ay, you're drunk
You're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a baby boy that me mother sent me
Well, its many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on, sure
I never saw before

[Verse 11]
Ay, you're drunk
You're drunk you silly old fool
Still you cannot see
That's a baby boy that me mother sent me
Well, its many a day I've travelled
A hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on, sure
I never saw before