1. I SLOWLY OPEN UP ONE EYE
FEEL A POUNDING IN MY HEAD
MY MOUTH TASTES LIKE I ATE MY SOCKS
LORD I THINK I MUST BE DEAD
THERE'S SOMETHING LYING NEXT TO ME
ITS GOT A HAIRY UGLY FACE
I SAW HER IN A MOVIE ONCE
THE THING FROM OUTER SPACE

2. I SEE LITTLE CREEPY CRAWLERS
IN THE CORNERS OF MY EYE
WHEN I TRY TO LOOK AT THEM
THEY FLAP THEIR LITTLE WINGS AND FLY
I REACH OUT FOR THE NEAREST BEER
IT TASTES AS WARM AS PEE
IT'S FULL OF SOGGY OLD CIGGY BUTTS
BUT I ONLY SWALLOWED THREE

CHORUS:
IT WAS A CRAWLING HOME PUKER
THAT MADE ME THIS WAY
A CRAWLING HOME PUKER
NOW I'VE GOTTA PAY
I AIN'T NO QUITTER
I'LL PARTY TILL THE END
BUT IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS ONE
I'LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN
3. I FALL DOWN UPON MY KNEES
PUT MY ARMS AROUND THE STOOL
I WHISPER TO MY TOILET BOWL
THANKS FOR BEING SO COOL
MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE JELLO
MY BRAINS HAVE TURNED TO MUSH
MY TOILET'S OVER FLOWING
I DON'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO FLUSH

4. I GOT CRUSTIES ON MY EYEBALLS
AND MY TEETH ARE GROWING HAIR
AND I SMELL JUST LIKE A BEAGLE
WHEN HE'S PASSING STINKY AIR
I FEEL LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER
AND I THINK I'VE GOT THE RUNS
THEN SOMEONE CRACKS A BEER AND SAYS
HEY, HAVE A BEER YOU OLD SON OF A GUN

(REPEAT CHORUS)