Title: Trouble in Lumpy Space

[The episode begins at Princess Bubblegum's Mallow Tea Ceremony. She, Finn, Jake, Lumpy Space Princess, and Hot Dog Princess are there.]

Finn: [bouncing:] Whoop! Huh?

Jake: [bouncing:] Whoop!

Lumpy Space Princess: [floating:] Whoopiiieee...

Princess Bubblegum: Cheers, Lumpy Space Princess.

[Everyone cheers.]

Jake: Bouncing!

Finn: Princess, this tea party sucks in a big way! But thanks for the invite!

Princess Bubblegum: Oh, don't worry, Finn. The Mallow Tea Ceremony takes years to master.

Finn: Princess! I think I just now mastered it! [Tea splashes in his face.] One more bounce. [Bounces down.] Alright! [Hits the ground.] Unh! Tea partying's hard, huh, Jake?

Jake: [Hits the ground] Oof! Yes!

Lumpy Space Princess: What?! No way! It's super easy!
Finn: Lumpy Space Princess, you big faker! You're floating, not bouncing!

Lumpy Space Princess: Fine. I'll prove it. [She stops floating] Huh? Ah! Oh, no! [Bounces down] Oh, snap! [She lands with her teeth on Jake's leg.]

Jake: AAAAAGH!

Lumpy Space Princess: [Muffled:] Oh. Sorry I bit your leg.

Jake: You're still biting me!!

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my gosh. Oh, right. Sorry.

Finn: Dude! Your leg!

Jake: This is... new. It's nothin' ominous, though. Just a bump.

Lumpy Space Princess: Nah, that's no bump. It's the early stage of the lumps.

Finn: Is it serious?

Lumpy Space Princess: It just means he's changing into a Lumpy Space guy, on account of my bite. It's just like, um, y'know... werewolf rules? [Imitating a werewolf] Ar, rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr!

Finn: Oh, no!

Jake: What? You think I'm gonna turn all lumpy like her? Get outta here. [Arm suddenly lumps up] Wha? Finn, I think I'm f
freakin' out!
Finn: Calm down, bud! I'll... I'll sock the lumpiness outta ya!

[Teacup falls on the ground and shatters.]

Princess Bubblegum: Hey, now! [Bouncing down] Royal intervention! Surely there must be an antidote to the lumps.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. There's an antidote, but you have to go all the way to Lumpy Space to get it. And Jake has to use it by sunset.

Princess Bubblegum: What happens if he doesn't take the antidote by sunset?

Lumpy Space Princess: He'll be lumpy, like, forever.

Finn: LSP, please! Can you tell us how to reach Lumpy Space?

Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, I mean, there's a portal nearby. I can show you whenever.

Finn and Jake: [Exiting with Lumpy Space Princess] Take us now! Take us now!

Princess Bubblegum: [Intestines grumble] I should not have drunk that much tea! [Runs off]

Lumpy Space Princess: Don't go telling everyone about this portal or whatever. It's kind of a secret.

[Finn and Jake look around.]

Finn: Where is it?

Lumpy Space Princess: Portal's that Frog and mushroom.
[Frog jumps on mushroom with a ribbit.]

Frog: Password, please.

Lumpy Space Princess: [yells'] Whatever it's 2009!!

Frog: Good day, Princess. Is your father okay with you entering Lumpy Space with two... [puffs out his chest] non-Lumpers?

Finn: [Whispering to Lumpy Space Princess] Just say yes! Yes, yes, yes!

Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, whatever, fine.

[The frog extends its tongue to the three and sucks them into his mouth, transporting them to Lumpy Space.]

[Scene changes to Lumpy Space. Finn is thrown toward a lumpy cloud where LSP and Jake are waiting for him.]

Finn: AAAAH!! Whoa... Lumpy Space. So, where's the antidote?

Lumpy Space Princess: Hold it. First, you should check out my house. It's, like, kind of lame, but way less lame than, like, your house.

Jake: Uh, could you skip to the part where you tell us where the antidote is?

Lumpy Space Princess: It's up there at Makeout Point.

Finn: That's so close! We can run there in no... [Camera pans up, revealing that Makeout Point is across an abyss.] ...time. Aww, what?!! It's, like, a million-mile fall into space!

Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. You have to travel by car in my world, or else you'll fall into the Lumpy Abyss.

Lumpy Space King: Daughter!! Have you brought smooth people into our domain?!

Lumpy Space Princess: I had to, Dad... I'm trying to help them, so don't lumping yell at me!

Lumpy Space Queen: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! What did you just say?!?

Lumpy Space Princess: I SAID, "LUMP OFF," MOM!!! [yells gibberish angrily, then pants heavily]

Finn: Uh...

Lumpy Space Princess: [To Finn:] WHAT?!?!

Finn: Vroom vroom??

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, yeah. [To parents:] I need to borrow the car.

Lumpy Space King: You have made your mother cry for the last time, daughter! You are hereby banned from using the royal car!! [walks inside house and slams the door]

Lumpy Space Princess: Shucks! I lumping hate them! I'm really, really sorry, Finn. But I can't help you because my parents are horrible idiots.

Finn: Don't you know anyone else with a car?

Lumpy Space Princess: My friend Melissa has a car. But she's dating my ex-boyfriend Brad.

Finn: [frustrated] Call her NOW.

Lumpy Space Princess: Hmm. [pulls out cellphone] [LSP says to her phone:] Call BFF 66.

[Elsewhere, Melissa's phone rings.]

Melissa: [answering] Hello?

Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, Melissa. What's up?

Finn: What's she saying?

Lumpy Space Princess: [whispering to Finn] I'm asking her, jeez! Melissa, just listen!

Melissa: Have you forgotten what day it is?

Lumpy Space Princess: Melissa. I'm trying to help out some friends.

Melissa: Tonight is the weekly Promcoming Dance!

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, Glob. I forgot.

Finn: What'd she say?

Lumpy Space Princess: Tonight is the weekly Promcoming Dance! [To Melissa, in excitement:] It's gonna be so flipping awesome!

Finn: [exasperated] LSP, we don't have time for this. Ask for the ride, LSP.

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh—[Finn takes the cellphone] [LSP continues to say oh a couple of times until she realizes her phone is missing] Wha?!

Finn: [To Melissa, imitating Lumpy Space Princess:] Melissa, [Lumpy Space Princess tries to retrieve her phone while Finn continues.] you should totally drive us to Makeout Point to make out with hot boys!

Melissa: LSP, you're so baaaaad... be there in a sec!

Finn: Biyah. [hangs up]

Lumpy Space Princess: Hmm. [takes phone back]

Finn: [Normal voice:] Sorry. But Jake's lumpiness is worsening!

Jake: Actually, I think I'm beating it back with sheer willpower! [Part of his head bulges up.] [flatly:] Oh, my. [Forces lump back into body]

Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, whatever. Just don't mess with my phone again.

[Melissa arrives on her car.]

Melissa: Hi!

[Melissa drives into Finn, knocking him over.]

Finn: Ugh... OKAY! Let's go, let's go, let's go!!

[They ride off. Electronic music plays.]

Jake: Aw, Finn, this music ducks, right? [suddenly in a lumpy accent:] Ah. I love this song. We should totally TP Shandala's house! [in normal voice:] Gracious! That was terrible! Finn, if you can't save me from the lumps... if I do turn... if I become lumpy like them, I want you to—

Finn: [while embracing Jake:] It's not gonna come to that. But if it does, I'll bury you beneath the nicest, most shadiest tree!

Jake: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm saying that if I go totally lumpy, then I want you to get used to lumpy Jake. What did you think I was sayin'?

Finn: Oh, um... [awkwardly] Heh heh. [angrily towards Melissa:] CAN'T THIS CAR GO ANY FASTER?!
Melissa: We're already here! Hi, Finn.

Lumpy Space Princess: We've been here for, like, five minutes.

Finn: Finally! Huh? This doesn't look like Makeout Point.

Melissa: This is Brad's house. You wanted a ride to Makeout Point? You think I want to make out with you?!

Finn: Uh...

Melissa: [blushing] Well, maybe I do, but... wait. [angrily:] I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, FINN!! [throws Finn down]

Finn: LSP, we gotta hurry! Jake's running out of time!

Lumpy Space Princess: Hey. This is hard for me, too. I mean, I used to eat chili cheese fries with Brad... so there's gonna be a lot of romantic tension on this ride!

Brad: Hey.

Melissa: Oh, Braaaaad... [giggles]

Brad: You miss me yet, LSP?

Lumpy Space Princess: [sullenly:] Scooch over, Finn. I'm gonna sit in the back.

[Scene changes to when they arrive at Makeout Point]

Lumpy Space Princess: This is it.

[Melissa parks the car.]

Finn: Let's go!

Lumpy Space Princess: Wait. Watch yourself, Finn. The guys who use the antidote up here are notorious for being... [whispering:] smooth posers.

Finn: What does that mean?

Lumpy Space Princess: It just means what it means. Hurry. Get the antidote so we can get outta here.

Finn: Thanks, LSP.

Lumpy Space Princess: BUUUUMPS.

Jake: Um... bumps.

Finn: Uh, yeah, bumps.

[Jake's skin bulges up more.]

Jake: Aw, man!

[They hurry over and come to three Lumpy Space People, Glasses, Monty, and Lenny.]

Finn: Hey, guys. Lookin' smooth!

Glasses: Really? You think we're smooth?

Finn: Well, mostly you in the center, but yeah!

Monty: Why are you sucking up to us?

Finn: My best friend needs an antidote for lumpiness.

Lenny: Chyah, lumpiness suuucks. Hey, Monty, time's up, sphere-hog! [Lenny pushes Monty off an sphere he was sitting on. Monty becomes lumpy.] My turn! [Lenny sits on the sphere and becomes smooth.]

Finn: So the antidote is in that orb you were sitting on!

Lenny: This orb is the antidote, bruh.

Finn: Can my friend borrow it?

Lenny: Yeah, sure, as long as you give it right back. [Tosses Finn the sphere and becomes lumpy]

Finn: Hammacow. Thanks, fellas.

[Lumpy Space Princess enters.]

Lumpy Space Princess: What's taking so long? Did those smooth-heads give you the orb already, or what?

[Lenny takes the sphere back.]

Finn: Wait!!

Lenny: Is this another friend of yours??

Lumpy Space Princess: What do you care? Just give 'em the antidote already, and stop being such a poser.

Monty: Sorry, kid. [exiting with Lenny and Glasses:] We changed our minds.

Finn: Why did you have to say all those rude things to them?!

Lumpy Space Princess: What? I was helping you.

Finn: [sarcastically:] Thanks a lot! [sincerely:] They were right about to hand over the antidote!

Lumpy Space Princess: [bitterly:] You're welcome a lot.

Finn: You insulted them! And they got mad! And now Jake's gonna be lumpy forever! [yells:] This is all your fault!

Lumpy Space Princess: Wow. Now I know how you really feel. I was just trying to help, but whatever. [raising her voice:] No. No, not whatever! I know I mess things up sometimes, but I'm really trying! And you guys are supposed to be my friends! [tearing up] Not like the fake ones I have here! So do what you want! I'm going to Promcoming! Are you coming or not, Lumpy Jake?

Jake: No. Because no matter how messed up and lumpy I get, this guy never turns his back on me! [Completely transforms into a Lumpy Space person.] Oh, yah. Right behind ya. Just gotta turn my back on this guy. [Literally does so then exits]

Finn: JAKE! IT'S ALMOST SUNSET!! [to himself:] Jake... I didn't save him... I... [Yells wildly and angrily then punches the ground repeatedly.] I'LL KILL YOU, LUMPY SPACE!!

Monty: Jam on, man!

Finn: Huh? I thought you guys left!

Monty: We were drawn back by your plaintive wail. We dig your directionless fury.

Finn: Um, thanks.

Monty: Respect. Here. [Tosses Finn the sphere.] Take it. Win your girl back!

Finn: Yeah, there's no girl. But there is still time to save Jake! Do you guys know where Promcoming is?

Monty: Promcoming takes place way down on that land-lump.

Finn: Awesome. Do any of y'all have wheels?

Monty: Nah. We were all ditched here just like you.

Finn: Well... you think I can make it to that land-lump if I jumped off this cliff?

Monty: You kidding?! A smoothie like you will plummet right into the eternal void!

Finn: What if I was lumpy? Could I float over?

Lenny: No, no! It's too dangerous!

Glasses: I'd say there's a 50/50 chance of you making it!

Finn: That's good enough for me. Now bite me!!

[The three respond in disbelief all at once, then Finn forces them to bite him.]

Finn: [turning lumpy exceedingly quickly:] Yes! I can feel the multiple bites accelerating the lumpification process! I'm starting to float!

Lenny: Don't jump, guy!!

Finn: I have to! For my buddy. [Jumps.] RAAAAAAGH!!!!

Glasses: Wow. He's insane.

[Finn successfully lands through the roof of Promcoming.]

Finn: Ah, I made it! And there he is!

Jake: Yeah! Promcoming! Yeah! Cool!

Finn: Jake! I'm mostly lumpy now! And I totally think you should sit on this sphere!

Jake: No!

[Finn tries to force him to sit on it to no avail.]

Finn: Sit on it!

Jake: [Slaps sphere down] No!!

Finn: Please, Jake! You're my best friend! Just sit on the sphere!

Jake: Chyah! I remember you! You're just a smoothie wannabe lumpy poser!

Finn: Sit on it!! Before I turn completely lumpy!!

Jake: NO!!

Finn: Oh, no! I can feel the lumpiness... about to consume me!! [Fully transforms into a Lumpy Space person.] Oh, yah. Being lumpy's the best.

Jake: Hey. Stop talkin' to yourself, dumb guy. Take your ball and get outta here.

Finn: Fine. I don't want you to have it anyway.

Jake: So I can't have it now, eh?

Finn: That's right. It's mine.

Jake: GIMME THAT BALL!!

Finn: NO! You can't have it!

Jake: I want it! Give it to me!

Finn: You want it that bad? Go get it, then!

Jake: Bumps, bi— [Sits on the sphere and turns back to normal.] [gasps] Oh, I'm not lumpy anymore! Oh, no. Finn buddy! You gotta sit on this!

Finn: No! You can't make me! Smooth—OOF! [Runs into a muscular Lumpy Space person and gets knocked out.]

Jake: Finn! Hey, Finn! Hey, buddy! Finn

Finn: [waking up:] Huh?

Jake: Hey, dude. We made it.

Finn: Man... There's something cold under my butt. [Noticing sphere:] Oh! [laughs] The antidote! Just in time, too! LSP, I'm sorry I blew up at you before. I didn't mean it. I was just really stressed out.

Lumpy Space Princess: You know, it's fine. You and Jake can make it up to me by dancing this last dance with me.

Finn: Sounds good to me. Whaddaya say, Jake?

Jake: [Lumpy voice:] That sounds totally lame.

(Everyone gasps)

Jake: [Normal voice:] Heh heh heh. I'm just kiddin'. Let's dance!

[Everyone resumes dancing.]