Open wide and put a little South in your mouth

One, two, a'one

Said you were headed for a better life and then you did leave
With nothing but a goodbye note with some misspelled profanity
Swore you'd be in long limousines, staring at your name in lights
But a friend of a friend of a enemy of yours just set me right

Said you were doing real, real bad and on the streets again
Well I tried real hard and I acted so sad, but couldn't hide my grin
I can't hide the way I feel, I was raised an honest man
I love to enjoy about every laugh I can

'Cause the best news that I get is bad news about you
But I've done my time and cleared my mind
Tell you what I'm gonna do
Never thought I'd start drinking again
But the best reason that I've found
Here's to your destruction, I'll even buy this round

I need one for your old dead granny
One for your Uncle Joe
Hey, that old man's a pedophile, hell everybody knows
If you see your big fat momma, you can tell her she better run
If she ain't dead already, she'll hear my gun
I was born poor, I'll die poor, but I do the best I can
I'll sit here with dog shit and feel like the world's richest man
Screaming one! No, no! Second thought, bring two!
I'll sit here and finish my beer while the world finishes you
Never, never thought I'd start drinking again
But the best reason that I've found
Here's to your destruction, I'll even buy this round