She said she just wanted a friend
And then she'd be good
Something to play with now again
And give lots of food

We've got a yard that's big enough
She says he's like a dream
But they've got us running round in circles
Like a pair of clowns it seems

Children and dogs will always win
Everyone knows that
I won't work with either one again
It's not in our contract
Children and dogs

Now I'm outside freezing to death
Just walking the dog
Instead of throwing myself at my wife
I'm throwing a log

We haven't slept for two nights
He howls out at the moon
The kid says sometimes he bites
Can you bring a bunny rabbit home soon
Children and dogs will always win
Everyone knows that
I won't work with either one again
It's not in our contract
Children and dogs

Make you trip over your ankles
Do all kinds of things that rankle
Make you wanna go and drink a tankful
And remember when you were single

The bedroom's got two carpets
And one sticks to your clothes
Let's take a photo of all of us
Fixed grins in a family pose