Little Shirley Melrose didn’t have no elbows
Her arms would-a-dangle and wobble when she walked
I used to see my Shirley hanging from a spruce tree
Tied up real high in a sailor's knot

Little Shirley loved me and I loved her dearly
Coming home to Shirley shirley was-a-real nice
She'd open up the front door while she was on the third floor
And pull me up and wrap her arms around me twice

Well old Lester Brownstone didn't have no knee bone
He'd drag his legs behind him while he walked on his hands
Things were going smoothly between me and Shirley
'Till one day Lester Brownstone foiled my plans

Lester was-a-crawlin when the town bridge collapsed
And Lester was-a-hanging and he couldn't do a thing
Then Shirley came a long, found Lester hanging on
Grabbed him by the hand and she gave him a swing

Well I lost my Shirley Melrose to old Lester Brownstone
And I didn't even want to live another day
I had my mouth on the barrel when I saw Mary Carrol
Had no ears on her head, so what can I say

Little Shirley loved me and I loved her dearly
Coming home to Shirley shirley was-a-real nice
She'd open up the front door while she was on the third floor
And pull me up and wrap her arms around me twice