The girl I will marry is a Scorpio
She's got a voice like Feist and lips like Brigitte Bardot
With cheeks like Cate Blanchett, eyes like Zooey Deshanel
She's got the MILFy "come hither" look of Kim Cattrall

All my friends will envy me
They'll pat me on the back and tell me I'm lucky
They'll plot my death secretly
They'll take a look at their own wives and wish they were free
When they see
The girl I will marry

She's Evangeline Lilly but with straight red hair
She's kind of Keira Knightly with a Grace Kelly flair
She's Scarlet Johannson with a little weight on
She's Charlotte Gainsbourg and Kristin Dunst rolled into one

All my friends will boil and fume
Even as they toast to the bride and groom
Their wives'll think "Slut!", my friends: "Va voom!"
Her beauty will threaten everyone in the room
Except me
The girl I will marry

Oh, my family who wondered why I waited so long
Will take one look at the girl I will marry and see that they were wrong
When they teased me and scolded me
Cajoled me and told me I'd never settle down
They will see I was only waiting
For the right girl to come around
And look at me now!
She's got a sigh like Jane Birkin in "Je
T'aime Moi Non Plus"
She's Emma Watson on the day that she turns 22
She's Veronika Lake mixed with Olivia Wilde
Take Gwyneth Paltrow but give her Audrey Hepburn's smile

She's Natassja Kinski mixed with Emily Blunt
She's got France Gall's figure and Sasha Grey's cunt
She's Natalie Portman in Kate Winslett's skin
She's Elizabeth Mitchell bred with Emilie de Ravin
She's Nicole Kidman...

The girl I will marry is out there somewhere
I'll collide with her someday, find her slipper on the stair
For now I'll attend another wedding tonight
By all means, friends, flirt and laugh with your wives
(Your beautiful wives.)