[Verse 1]
The Barnsley Youth and Temperance Society
Sought the salvation of their drunken brotherhood
Of a travelling mineral bar they took propriety
"Drop the Barnsley Bitter, boys, the juice is just as good!"
Then came a terrible catastrophe
Some old bowser run off with the car
The Barnsley Youth and Temperance Society
Felt so bad that half of them went off into the bar

[Verse 2]
They took all the minerals and stored them in a shack
The temperature was wrong and then I'll tell you all the craic
Nature it combined with forces diabolic
To turn the lovely minerals and soft drinks alcoholic
Later at the gathering that was held unwittingly
Underneath the safety of the local vicar's roof
They served up the minerals to the general gathering
Never realising that the stuff was ninety proof

[Instrumental Break]

[Verse 3]
The rot set in and it was plain for everyone to see
The vicar tottered down the path and pittled up a tree
The women they were singing all the things you wouldn't think
And all the little choir boys were puking in the sink
Who should we see but the honorary secretary
Chopping up his dinner with a kitchen knife
Saying, "To hell with your temperance society"
Then he cut the corsets off the poor old vicar's wife
[Verse 4]
Now the neighbours were complaining that they couldn't sleep a wink
They called up the police then to lock them in the clink
There were singing in the squad cars, singing in the jails
It was rumoured that the village spinster danced the seven veils
Then next morning after all the impropriety
None of them sorry, but some of them were sore
Then they all declared the end of their sobriety
The Barnsley Youth and Temperance Society's no more

[Outro]
With a toot on a flute, a twiddle on the fiddle
And up jump, turn around, backs against the wall
Oh, hadn't we the craic, lads
At the local village hall?