If you play your cards wrong
You can take me home tonight
You've got all the makings
Of my future ex-wife
I've got 3 bucks
My credit sucks
And my future don't look to bright
If you play your cards wrong
You can take me home tonight

Some call me a loser
And a lazy no good slob
I've lost my house
I've got no car
I can't keep a job
But i've got a big heart
And another part
Take me home, you'll understand
Because my genitalia looks like a pringles can

If you play your cards wrong
You can take me home tonight
When i pull my pants down
Hey you won't believe i'm white
It's been said that i'm Mr. Ed
But don't worry, I won't bite
If you play your cards wrong
You can take me home tonight
Some call me dishonest
And they say i'm just lyin'
But i peed next to ol' John Holmes and
He started cryin'
On a sunny day i've got it made
Get under my wiener if you need shade
If you play your cards wrong
You can take me home tonight