Goodbye to all my friends I've known
And the travel agent I trusted
I'm riding along on this beat-up old plane;
Look out the window. All the rivets are rusted

As that ground crew pushes us backwards
On that rickety L-1011
I'm feeling around for that flotation device
And when the safety film is shown
I'm payin' close attention

Beat-up old jetliner
Hope you got a tune-up today
Ohhhh, beat-up old jetliner
Did they sneak you past the FAA?

Bouncin' 'round in a thunder cloud
Landing gear won't come down
My seatback is up and my belt is on
I see the fire crews sprayin' foam on the ground

And if I get to my final destination
I know the next flight will surely be free
But I don't think I'll go back up
Into that piece of shit just to save a few pennies
Beat-up old jetliner
Won't carry me too far today
Ohhhh, give me a fresh airliner;
I don't care what I've got to pay

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Beat-up old jetliner
Don't carry me too far today
Ohhhh, beat-up old jetliner
'Cause it's home that I'd rather stay

Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking
I've just turned off the no-smokin' sign
I figure, hell, if the plane's smokin' why shouldn't you