(Schmertz)

When Great Grandfather was a gay young man
And Great Grandmother was his bride
They found a lot, a jolly little spot
Over on the old North Side
It sloped down toward the river, from River Avenue
Great Grandma said that it would give her
Such a lovely view
So they took a look in Godey's Ladies Book
To see what they could find
And they found a house, a jolly little house
With a Queen Anne front
And a Mary Anne behind

Now, Great Grandfather was a handy man
Who never wasted any time
He found a crew that knew just what to do
With white pine, common brick, and lime
He said, "I'll build a big veranda, where Amanda can perch
"And I'll sit there myself on Sunday mornings
"When everybody else has gone to church."
The neighbors said, "He's crazy in the head
"He's surely lost his mind."
But he built that house, that jolly little house
With a Queen Anne front
And a Mary Anne behind
Now, Great Grandpa at last was laid to rest
With Great Grandmother at his side
Old Aunt Amanda said, "My land, an
"Empty house I can't abide
"I'll start a ladies' seminary, it will be very select
"Of course, it will be very necessary
"That all my girls be circumspect."
As you may guess, it was a big success
Those girls were so refined
In that self-same house, that jolly little house
With a Queen Anne front
And a Mary Anne behind

Now, Aunt Amanda's work at last was done
And she passed on to her reward
Appeared a sign that bore the line
Announcing simply, "Room and Board."
The house was soon filled with roomers, of every degree
Red flannel underwear and bloomers
Hung out for everyone to see
The old porch stoop had started in to droop
The house looked so resigned
That self-same house, that jolly little house
With a Queen Anne front
And a Mary Anne behind
Now that old house was looking worse and worse
And so was River Avenue
Wooden shacks across the tracks
Spoiled Great Grandma's lovely view
A group of very pretty ladies moved in there one day
The were such pretty Sues and Sadies
But a wagon came and took them all away
Said one old dame, "Now isn't it a shame
"My girls were so refined."
But they closed that house, that jolly little house
With a Queen Anne front
And a Mary Anne behind