[Intro]
We've licked pneumonia and TB and plagues that used to mock us
We've got the onus on the sun; the small pox cannot pock us
We found the antibodies for the staphylostreptococcus
But oh, the universal curse from Vietnam to Korea
The bug of bugs that bugs us still and begs for panacea
Oh, who will find the antidote for pentagonorrhea?

[Verse 1]
I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodd
And a-keepin' old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve
I knew "Better dеad than red"
But when I got to my old draft board
Buddy, this is what I said

[Chorus]
Sarge, I'm only еighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant
[Verse 2]
I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back
And I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when a bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, and I can't touch my toes
I could hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy ever came close to me
Why, I probably start to sneeze

[Chorus]
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant

[Verse 3]
I hate Chou En-lai, and I hope he dies
But I think you gotta see
That if someone's gotta go over there
That someone isn't me
So have a ball, Sarge, watch 'em fall
While you kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without any gore
Well, I'll be the first to go
[Chorus]
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
And my asthma's gettin' worse
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
I gotta water my rubbber tree plant
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant

[Chorus]
Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat
My asthma's getting worse
Consider my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm a-workin' in a defense plant