[Intro]
I'd like to do a song 'bout uh
Festivals and all the things that go on
It's, uh, called "The Party"

[Verse 1]
The fire-breathing rebels arrive at the party early
Their khaki coats are hung in the closet near the fur
Asking handouts from the ladies, while they criticize the lord
Boasting of the murder of the very hands that pour
And the victims learn to giggle
But at least they are not bored
And my shoulders had to shrug as I crawled beneath the rug
And retuned my piano

[Verse 2]
The hostess is enormous, she fills the room with perfume
She meets the guests and smothers them with greetings
And she asks "How are you" and she offers them a drink
The countess of the social grace who never seems to blink
And she promises to talk to you
If you promise not to think
And my shoulders had to shrug as I crawled beneath the rug
And retuned my piano

[Verse 3]
The beauty of the hour is blazing in the present
She surrounds herself with those who would surrender
Floating in her flattery she's a trophy prize caressed
Protected by a pretty face, sometimes cursed, sometimes blessed
And she's staring down their desires
While they're staring down her dress
And my shoulders had to shrug as I crawled beneath the rug
And retuned my piano
[Verse 4]
The egos shine like lightbulbs, so bright you cannot see them
Blind each other blinder than a sandbox
All the fury of an argument, holding back their yawns
A challenge shakes the chandeliers, the selfish swords are drawn
To the loser go the hangups
To the victor go the hangers on
And my shoulders had to shrug as I crawled beneath the rug
And retuned my piano

[Verse 5]
They travel to the table, the host is served for supper
And they pass each other down for salt and pepper
And the conversation sparkles as their wits are dipped in wine
Dinosaurs on a diet, on each other they will dine
Then they pick their teeth and they squelch a belch saying
"Darling you tasted divine"
And my shoulders had to shrug as I crawled beneath the rug
And retuned my piano

[Verse 6]
The wallflower is waiting
She hides behind composure, composure
She'd love to dance and prays that no one asks her
Then she steals a glance at lovers while her fingers tease her hair
And she marvels at the confidence of those who hide their fear
Then her eyes are closed as she rides away
With a foreign legionnaire
And my shoulders had to shrug as I crawled beneath the rug
And retuned my piano
[Verse 7]
Romeo is reeling, counting notches on his thighbone
Searching for one hundred and eleven
And he's charming as a child as he leads you to his web
Seducing queens and gypsy girls in the boudoir of his head
Then he wraps himself with a tablecloth
And pretends he is a bed
And my shoulders had to shrug as I crawled beneath the rug
And retuned my piano

[Verse 8]
Ah, the party must be over, even the losers are leaving
But just one doubt is nagging at my caustic mind
So I snuck up close behind me and I gave myself a kiss
And I led myself to the mirror to expose what I had missed
There I saw a laughing maniac
Who was writing songs like this
And my shoulders had to shrug as I crawled beneath the rug
And retuned my piano