[Verse 1]
Do you have a problem?
Would you like someone to solve them?
Would you like someone to share in your misery?
Now, I don't know the answer
But I know a flamenco dancer
Who will dance for you if you will dance for me

[Chorus]
Her name's Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band

[Verse 2]
Early Sunday morning
When the sermon lines are forming
And Saturday night is the memories that it gave
She's busy in the pantry
Far away from Elmer Gantry
Who is busy baking souls that he may save

[Chorus]
Everybody's soul but Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band
[Verse 3]
The dice of death are calling
While the truck of time is falling
By the thumb stuck out on the highway of the years
The tollgate at the turnpike
Is ignored by those who hitchhike
And the Howard Johnson food is made of fear

[Chorus]
But not Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band

[Verse 4]
The sun burnt skin is peeling
On the doctors who are healing
And the license plates are laughing on the car
The pain is so exciting
And everyone's inviting you
To look upon their operation scars

[Chorus]
But not Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band
[Verse 5]
The arguments are clashing
While commercial planes are crashing
And the music of the evening is so sweet
Now fully in agreement
Oh, their feet have found the cement
And they all believe the signs out on the street

[Chorus]
All except Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band

[Verse 6]
In the bar we're gin and scotching
While the FBI is watching
They are tape recording every other word
The bartender is bleeding
Pardon me, I just was leaving
As another clever voice repeats absurd

[Chorus]
But not Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band
[Verse 7]
So do you have a problem?
Would you like someone to solve them?
Would you like someone to share in your misery?
Now, I don't know the answer
But I know a flamenco dancer
Who will dance for you if you will dance for me

[Chorus]
Her name's Miranda
She's a Rudolph Valentino fan
And she doesn't claim to understand
She bakes brownies for the boys in the band