Well, I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodge
And keepin' old Castro down

And when it came my time to serve
I knew 'Better dead than red'
But when I got to my old drop port
Buddy, this is what I said

"Sarg., I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen
I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat
And my asthma's getting worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old uncle and aunt
Besides I ain't no fool, I'm going to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant

I got a dislocated disc and a ragged-up back
And I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bomb shell hits I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs

I got the weakness woes, can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
I'd probably start to sneeze"
"Sarg., I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen
I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat
And my asthma's getting worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old uncle and aunt
Besides I ain't no fool, I'm going to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant

And I hate showin' why, and I hope he dies
But one thing you've got to see
Is that someone's gotta go over there
And that someone isn't me

So I wish you well, Sarg., give 'em hell
And kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore
Well, I'll be the first to go"

"Sarg., I'm only 18, I got a ruptured spleen
I always carry a purse
I got eyes like a bat, my feet are flat
And my asthma's getting worse

Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
My poor old uncle and aunt
Besides I ain't no fool, I'm going to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant