[Verse 1]
All the halls are haunted
At the National Hotel
Snorin' and a-screamin'
And down the hall the demons dwell

[Verse 2]
Every night they're knockin'
Come a-knockin' at my door
Callin' our for Shirley
She don't live here anymore (She don't live here anymore)
(Oh, get heart, boys!)

[Verse 3]
The radiator rumbles
He's tryin' to get away
From the cockroach in the corner
Who likes livin' this a-way

[Bridge]
And the smell that keeps risin'
From down in the Greek dinin' room (Greasy spoon)
Reminds me of the waitresses
And that got me howlin' and bayin' at the moon

[Verse 4]
The carpet lives on ketchup
And the light bulb lives on flies
The wallpaper pattern
Lives on anything it can hypnotize (It can hypnotize)
[Verse 5]
All the halls are haunted (Boo)
At the National Hotel
Snorin' and a-screamin'
And down the hall the demons dwell

[Verse 6]
Every night they're knockin'
Come a-knockin' at my door
Callin' our for Shirley
Uh, she don't live here anymore (She don't live here anymore)

[Outro]
(Oh, I'm so sorry, Madam!)