Oh, as long as you're listening, I feel like I can tell you about something. It's a problem that I have. It's my name. Now, it's really funny, but hardly anybody ever pronounces my name properly. People have this tendency to call me Lisa. And... that's not it. My name is Liza—it's with a 'z'. Well, for instance, say somebody walks up to me in the street, and they'll say, "Hello Lisa, how are you?" And I say, "Oh, I'm fine, thank you... but it's Liza." Or else they'll say, "Lisa, what a nice hat you have on." And I'll say, "Oh, thank you very much, but my name is Liza." So you can see it is a problem! They say that people should say things with music. And so I will! Ladies and gentlemen, on the subject of my name...

It's Liza with 'Z' not Lisa with an 'S'
'Cause Lisa with an 'S' goes 'sss,' not 'zzz'
It's 'Z' instead of 'S', 'Lie' instead of 'Lee'
It's simple as can be, see, Liza

Li--uh, wait, I'll do it again

It's Liza with 'Z' not Lisa with an 'S'
'Cause Lisa with an 'S' goes 'sss,' not 'zzz'
It's 'Z' instead of 'S', 'Lie' instead of 'Lee'
It's simple as can be, see, Liza

Now, if my name were Ada
I'd be Ada, even backwards I'd be Ada
Or if my name were Ruth
Then I'd be Ruth because with Ruth what can you do?
Or Sally, or Margaret or Ginger or Faye
But when you're a Liza you always have to say

No, it's Liza with 'Z' not Lisa with an 'S'
'Cause Lisa with an 'S' goes 'sss,' not 'zzz'
It's 'Z' instead of 'S', 'Lie' instead of 'Lee'
It's simple as can be, see, Liza
Now you see, the main thing to get out of your head is the Lee part of the Lisa. Lee, Lee, Lee, that should go away. And the thing to put into your head is the Lie part of the Liza. You know? Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie Lie. Sigh? Uh, see? Ugh. Skip it!

And that is only half of it
There's another way they treat me cruelly
How often I remember someone saying
"There she goes, Lisa Minooli"
Or Minolli or Miniola or Minili or Minnilii
So is it a wonder? I very often cry

It's M I double N, then E double L I
Then double up the N goes 'nnn,' not 'nuu'
Then E double L end it with an I
That's the way you say Minnelli
Liza Minnelli, it's Itralian
Blame it on papa, what can I do?

Every Sandra who's a Saandra
Every Mary who's really Maree
Every Joan who is a Joanne
Has got to agree with me when I'm announced
I don't mind being pommeled or trampled or trounced
But it does drive you bats to be Miss, mispronounced

Oh, it's Liza with 'Z' not Lisa with a 'S'
'Cause Lisa with an 'S' goes 'sss,' not 'zzz'
It's 'Z' instead of 'S', 'Lie' instead of 'Lee'
It's simple as can be, see, Liza
Then M I double N, then E double L I
Then double up the N goes 'nnn,' not 'nuu'
Then E double L end it with an I
That's the way you say Minnelli
Liza Minnelli, it's easy, it's easy
It's Leezy, no, Liza