Liza Minnelli
Don’t Ah Ma Me
[ANGEL, spoken]
Oh I've got a lot of things to tell you Ma
[ANNA, spoken]
How long was it this time Angel? Seven years?
[ANGEL, spoken]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA, spoken]
Basta! Finito! We're closed! I'm finished!
[ANGEL, spoken]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
If the earth had opened up
If it swallowed me inside
Would my baby darling girl even realise I'd died?
You were sitting on hill
With some yippee on your lap
Talking love and life and art and that transcendental crap
With the dope I'm sure you smoked
And a healthy dose of coke up your nose
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
Up your nose!
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
And for all you ever knew I was hustling for the rent
'Cause you only call collect maybe every other lent
While I'm bleeding in the street from some maniacs attack
You're in some Ramada Inn seeking wisdom on your back
Making kibble of your brain
An emancipated pain in the ass
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
In the ass!
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
And don't ah Ma me!
You said you had to find yourself so find yourself some other place
And don't ah Ma me!
I don't need you around to help me complicate my life
And if you really gave a damn
You'd have never stayed away
When you break a mother's heart does it make a Guru's day?
But you're nearly thirty now
And you'r panicked and upset
So you walk back in the door
And expect me to forget
Welcome home, my little pig!
Boy you've really got a big set of balls
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
Oh some balls!
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
And don't ah Ma me!
You said you had to find yourself so find yourself some other place
And don't ah Ma me!
I don't need you around to help me complicate my life, capisce?
And don't ah Ma me!
The sign on the apartment doesn't say Salvation Army does it?
Don't ah Ma me!
I've heard it all your life and I don't need to hear it now
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma! It's like it was before
I just walked through the door!
And right away you start to fight and curse
[ANNA, spoken]
That's bullshit
[ANGEL]
Ma!
I thought there'd be some tears
[ANNA, spoken]
Tears?!
[ANGEL]
And after all these years
You might have mellowed some
But Jesus was I dumb
[ANNA]
So you thought I might be calm?
Maybe jolly you along?
Well believe me I'm not calm
And believe me you were wrong
Should the sound of your hello
Be like music to me years
When I haven't seen your face in, what is it, seven years?
So you walk back in my life
Should I really bless my luck?
That's an outfit you could wear on a sanitation truck
"Have a daughter" I was told
"They're a blessing when you're old"
Ah Stugatz!
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
Stugatz!
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
Enough
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
That's it
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
Shut up. I quit
[ANGEL]
Ah Maaaaaaaaaaa!
[ANNA]
Now I've got a good thing going
And I don't need you to hex it
Did you notice where you entered
You can also make an exit?
So go out and find a husband
Don't try to be a whore
I am sick and tired of your ah Ma!
[ANGEL]
Ah Ma!
[ANNA]
Shush!