I'm calling in sick
I'm calling in twisted
I was drinking two-fisted
I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted

Hanging with friends
We were doing slammers
They try and get me hammered
I said no
But they insisted

I'm calling in sick
I'm calling in bland
The biggest drinking soul ever known to man
I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted

I'm calling in sick
I'm calling in tired
Look man I am oh so wired
I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted

Won't be the first time I lost a good job
Look at me now - a drunken slob
I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted
I'm calling in pissed
Hung over y'all
I'm gonna use the fake cough when I make that call
I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted

I'm calling in sick
I'm calling in twisted
I was drinking two-fisted
I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted

I'm calling in pissed
Hung over y'all
I'm gonna use the fake cough when I make that call
I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted

Yeah I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted

Yeah I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted

Yeah I'm sick
I'm calling in twisted