I used to dream that I would discover
The perfect lover someday
I knew I'd recognize him if ever
He came 'round my way
I always used to fancy, then
He'd be one of the godlike kind of men
With a giant brain and a noble head
Like the heroes bold in the books I've read

But along came Bill, who's not the type at all
You'd meet him on the street and never notice him
His form and face, his manly grace
Are not the kind that you would find in a statue
And I can't explain, it's surely not his brain
That makes me thrill
I love him because he's wonderful
Because he's just my Bill

He can't play golf or tennis or polo or sing a solo or row
He isn't half as handsome as dozens of men that I know
He isn't tall and straight and slim
And he dresses far worse than Ted or Jim
And I can't explain why he should be
Just the one, one man in the world for me

He's just my Bill, an ordinary guy
He hasn't got a thing that I can brag about
And yet to be upon his knee
So comfy and roomy, seems natural to me
And I can't explain, it's surely not his brain
That makes me thrill
I love him because he's—I don't know
Because he's just my Bill