A fine romance, my friend, this is
A fine romance with no kisses
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance, you won't wrestle
A fine romance, you won't nestle
I'd rather play some bridge with my old maid aunt
But I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take jello
You're calmer than the seals in thе Arctic Ocean
At least they flap thеir fins to express emotion

A fine romance, my friend, this is
A fine romance with no kisses
I never mushed the seeds in your blue serge pants
I'll never get the chance
This is a fine romance