A fine romance, with no kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance, you won't nestle
A fine romance, you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge with my old [...]
I never get a chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow
You take all of that romance and I'll take Jell-o!
You're calmer than the sеals in the Arctic Ocean
At least thеy flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance, with no quarrels
With no insults, and all morals
You're just as hard to land as the Ile de France
I never get a chance
This is a fine romance

A fine romance, with almost kisses
A fine romance, my friend, this is
True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills as "The March of Time" has
A fine romance, with no clinches
A fine romance, with no pinches
You never give the orchids I send a glance
No, you like cactus plants
This is a fine romance