[Verse 1]
Long ago in times of war, men spoke of an artifact
Built by gods from worlds unknown and wielded by kings
With the blaster in my hands
Lord Zargothrax would surely yield
Goblin armies run away in fear
We must find it here

[Chorus]
For the Kingdom of Space Dundee
For the powerful weapon that I seek
In the ashes of nuclear war
Remember the things we are fighting for
For the land where the dragon flies
Far across the enchanted sapphire sky
I've seen it inside of my dreams
The Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenweem

[Verse 2]
Weapon borne of mystic times, a fragment of destiny
Charged with light from an ancient star and forged from pure steel
He who wields dark matter cannon becomes one with the power
I must quest far and wide until it is mine
I'll quest for all time

[Chorus]
For the Kingdom of Space Dundee
For the powerful weapon that I seek
In the ashes of nuclear war
Remember the things we are fighting for
For the land where the dragon flies
Far across the enchanted sapphire sky
I've seen it inside of my dreams
The Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenweem
[Bridge]
Ride mighty warriors, across the plains of East Kilbride
Pass the icy chasms to the mountains of Strathclyde
There inside a citadel, where a robot guards the way
You will find the Blaster, to smite your foes this day

[Chorus]
For the Kingdom of Space Dundee
For the powerful weapon that I seek
In the ashes of nuclear war
The tales of our glory will live evermore
Now the chest is before my eyes
But inside there is emptiness and lies
By the wizard I've been deceived
The Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenweem

[Spoken Outro]
Pathetic mortal scum
Your quest was in vain, and your realm is doomed
For the Vorpal Laserblaster of Pittenweem is now in the hands of the immortal Zargothrax