[HORACE, spoken]
I put a penny in my pocket

(sung)
And in a little time
That penny in my pocket
Had grown into a dime
And in a little longer
A quarter jingled out

I put the quarter in the teapot
And I waited until the teapot had a dollar in the spout
I put the dollar in my mattress
And had some pleasant dreams
Till' suddenly my mattress was bursting at the seams

And that is how I acquired the wealth I now possess
That little penny was the secret
Yes, that penny was the secret of my success!

I had a penny in my pocket
And not another suit
And with my only shirt tail
I shined a rich man's shoe
He threw me down a nickel
Admiring my skill
I gave the nickel to a blind man
And then the blind-man left me all his meager savings in his will
I bought myself a wagon
For hauling blocks of ice
I cut the ice to ice cubes
And got a higher price
I shaved the ice to ices
For still a higher fee
A big tycoon said
"Very enterprising and your organizing
Son, you must come work for me!"

On route to work next morning
I helped a lady cross
The lady was, you guessed it, the mother of the boss!
The boss said "You're promoted! I need you at my side"
And then I met the boss's daughter
And I wed the boss's daughter
And quite suddenly she died

I bought myself an acre, a silo, and a stead
All Yonkers started buying
My grain that I made meed
And now I've half-a-million
But proudly I confess
That in my pocket is the penny
Yes, that shiny little penny
It's that penny that is the secret to my success!