[Verse 1]
It's just another Saturday
Hanging out at DBA
All I came for was whisky and a bunch of pints
I have a drink or two or three
And I feel like I'm on TV
'Cause some girl across the bar is giving me the evil eye
I make a move to see what's up
And bump right into some dumb jock
The guy gets pissed and he throws his drink right in my face
Well, now he started, but I'll finish
But first, I'll have another Guinness
Fighting's such a boring thing
I gave it up, I always win

[Chorus]
Ask me how I sleep at night
This is how I live my life
Drinking, smoking, screwing, right!
Don't tell me how to live my life!

[Verse 2]
Another guy, another day
Why won't this guy just go away?
Talk my ear off and I don't want to smell your breath
You like my band, I understand
When you say, "I love you, man"
Can't I have just a minute to go take a piss?
Then he asks me if I'm saved
And do I walk with God each day
No way, man, I have always been down with sin
He tells me God loves all of us
As I get back on the bus
'Cause God just told me I was gonna get my dick sucked!
[Chorus]
Ask me how I sleep at night
This is how I live my life
Drinking, smoking, screwing, right!
Don't tell me how to live my life!

[Bridge]
Good for you, you're born-again
Yuppie young Republican
Being straight makes you happy
Stay the fuck away from me

So, you're gay—oh, happy day
You don't smoke, and that's just great
And eating meat—oh, God forbid
You'll be more fun when you're dead

Oy!

[Verse 3]
Another time, far away
I'm in Tampa, FLA
I saw my friends and we went out and got really drunk
Got in the car and drove around
And passed the Yankees' training ground
We drove up close and then I went and hopped the fence
I ran around the bases twice
And thought the on-deck mat was nice
I put it back, though, and ran back out to meet my friends
The cops were there, they saw the tape
Straight to jail at any rate
Three months later, Howard Stern got George to drop the case!
[Chorus]
Ask me how I sleep at night
This is how I live my life
Drinking, smoking, screwing, right!
Don't tell me how to live my life!

[Outro]
Oy!