As I sat in me window one evening
A letterman came unto me
With a nice little gilt invitation
Saying "Gilhooley come over for tea"
I knew that the Fogarties sent it
So I went for old friendship's sake
But the first thing they gave me to tackle
Was a piece of Miss Fogarty's cake

Chorus:
There were plums and prunes and berries
Raisins and currants and cinnamon too!
There were nuts and cloves and cherries
And a crust that was nailed on with glue!
There were caraway seeds in abundance
That would give you a fine stomach ache
That would kill a man twice after eating a slice
Of Miss Fogarty's Christmas cake!

Miss Mulligan wanted to taste it
But really there wasn't no use
For they worked at it over an hour
And couldn't get none of it loose
Till Murphy he went for the hatchet
And Kelly came in with a saw
That cake was enough by the powers above
For to paralyze any man's jaw
Chorus

Miss Fogarty, proud as a peacock
Kept smiling and blinking away
Till she tripped over Flanagan's brogans
And spilled a whole brewing of tea
"Oh, Gilhooley", she cried, "you're not eating!
Try a little bit more for my sake!"
"No, thank you", says I, "I've no courage to try
To force down any more of that cake."

Chorus

Maloney was took with the colic
McNaulty complained of his head
O'Donnell lay down on the sofa
And swore that he wished he was dead
Miss Bailey fell down in hysterics
And her legs, they did wriggle and shake
And everyone swore they were poisoned
Just from eating Miss Fogarty's cake

Chorus

Though the taste is seductive, it makes me refluxive: Miss Fogarty's Christmas cake