Hung pictures of patron saints up on my wall
To remind me that I am a fool
Tell me where I came from, what I will always be:
Just a spoiled little kid who went to Catholic school

When I am dead, I won't join their ranks
'Cause they are both holy and free
And I'm in Ohio, satanic and chained up
And until the end, that's how it'll be

I said "Make me love myself, so that I might love you"
Don't make me a liar, 'cause I swear to God
When I said it, I thought it was true

Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you
But he's got his own things to deal with
There's really just one thing that we have in common:
Neither of us will be missed

A Saint Bernard sits at the top of the driveway
You always said how you loved dogs
I don't know if I count, but I'm trying my best
When I'm howling and barking these songs