[Verse 1: Gareth]
There's no box to tick for red, so I put down blue instead
'Cause it's closest there's to grey in the categories
And the veins within the whites are a statement of demise
Doe Eyes, you should stay at home licking batteries
And I feel like I'm the host of a terrible game show
And the guests on today's quiz are celebrities
Won't respond to any clues, they're just cracking jokes for views
But the answers to these questions mean everything

[Chorus: Kim & Rob]
I had a friend who had made a flag day
Blood on their hands from shards of a heartbreak
I have known friends to crack from love's weight
Blossom in ribcage, until their backs break

[Post-Chorus: Los Campesinos!]
Oh, it won't get better, that doesn't mean it's gonna get any worse
You'll find a draft'a life-long love letter, signed to the man who will be driving your hearse

[Verse 2: Gareth]
Salacia's in the depths, and if I avoid the nets
Threaten, "I'll cuckold you, Neptune" for definite
Meet between the dog and wolf, with the hoarfrost underfoot
And I'll show you every fire in Delphinus
[Refrain: Gareth]
A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy
That's why they call me the avocado, baby
A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy
That's why they call me the avocado, baby

[Verse 3: Gareth]
May she who casts the first fist of dirt across the casket
Have mourners lick the mud from her fingernails
'Tween the breadth'a your arms span, I was a renaissance man
Books of lies stacked either side, you were my carrell

[Chorus: Kim & Rob]
I had a friend who had made a flag day
Blood on their hands from shards of a heartbreak
I have known friends to crack from love's weight
Blossom in ribcage, until their backs break

[Chorus: Kim & Rob, Cheerleaders]
I had a friend who had made a flag day
(Baby, a heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy)
Blood on their hands from shards of a heartbreak
(That's why they call me the avocado, baby)
I have known friends to crack from love's weight
(A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy)
Blossom in ribcage, until their backs break
(That's why they call me the avocado, baby)
[Post-Chorus: Los Campesinos!]
Oh, it won't get better
That doesn't mean it's gonna get any worse
You'll find a draft'a life-long love letter
Signed to the man who will be driving your hearse

[Instrumental]

[Chorus: Kim & Rob, Cheerleaders]
I had a friend who had made a flag day
(A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy)
Blood on their hands from shards of a heartbreak
(That's why they call you the avocado, baby)
I have known friends to crack from love's weight
(A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy)
Blossom in ribcage, until their backs break
(That's why they call you the avocado, baby)

[Outro: Gareth & Cheerleaders, Kim & Rob, Cheerleaders]
A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy
(I had a friend who had made a flag day)
That's why they call me/you the avocado, baby
(Blood on their hands from shards of a heartbreak)
A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy
(I have known friends to crack from love's weight)
That's why they call me me/you the avocado, baby
(Blossom in ribcage, until their backs break)
A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy
That's why they call you the avocado, baby
A heart of stone, rind so tough it's crazy
That's why they call you the avocado, baby