[HAROLD]
No wide-eyed, eager
Wholesome innocent Sunday school teacher for me
That kinda girl spins webs no spider ever-
Listen, boy-
A girl who trades on all that purity
Merely wants to trade my independence for her security

(Sung)
The only affirmative she will file
Refers to marching down the aisle
No golden, glorious, gleaming pristine goddess, no sir
For no Diana do I play faun
I can tell you that right now
I snarl, I hiss, how can ignorance be compared to bliss?
I spark, I fizz for the lady who knows what time it is
I cheer, I rave for the virtue I'm too late to save
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me

No bright-eyed, blushing, breathless baby-doll baby, no sir
That kinda child ties knots no sailor ever knew
I prefer to take a chance on a more adult romance
No dewy young miss who keeps resisting
All the time she keeps insisting
No wide-eyed, wholesome innocent female, no sir
Why, she's the fisherman, I'm the fish you see? Plop
I flinch, I shy, when the lass with the delicate air goes by
I smile, I grin, when the gal with a touch of sin walks in
I shout
[MARCELLUS]
I blast

[HAROLD]
For the lady with a bitter past

[HAROLD & MARCELLUS]
The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me

[HAROLD]
No darling, adorable, jovial chickadee

[MARCELLUS]
No sir

[HAROLD]
Not for me
You'll wake up in a coop some morning
To a cackle no rooster ever crooned

[MARCELLUS]
Caw-caw-caw

[HAROLD]
I select a little more warily
Forever mind [?] temporarily
The rainbow always goes away
To come again some other day
No wide-eyed, eager
Wholesome innocent female

[MARCELLUS]
No sir

[HAROLD]
Her victims fall like apples from her tree

[MARCELLUS]
Plop

[HAROLD]
I flinch

[MARCELLUS]
I snarl

[HAROLD]
I smile

[MARCELLUS]
I grin

[HAROLD & MARCELLUS]
I hope, I pray
[HAROLD]
For Hester to win just one more "A"

[MARCELLUS, spoken]
Woo here we go Greg

[HAROLD, spoken]
Come on

[HAROLD & MARCELLUS]
The sadder-but-wiser girl's the girl for me
The sadder-but-wiser girl for me